How can Mediation help us build a better Co-Parenting Relationship?
Finding balance and harmony in co-parenting is no easy task, especially for parents who are new to it. It’s understandable. You may have been emotionally harmed by your ex-spouse’s actions and may even blame them for the divorce. As much as you wish that they would disappear and never contact you again, when you share a kid with them, you must put your feelings aside for the sake of your child’s well-being.
How do you move forward after separation? With the help of family mediation, you can foster a better co-parenting relationship that helps you move-on and thrive!
How can mediation help?
Unlike going to court, mediation is a rare instance where both parties have the chance to work out the terms of their separation agreement and/or parenting plan, in a way that best benefits everyone involved.
I see this take shape in mediation thanks to the collaborative nature of the process. This happens from the beginning as the mediator will take time to make sure both parties are ready and appropriate for mediation. Personally speaking, as a mediator, I take the time to speak to both parties early and separately in order to ascertain their wants, needs, and intentions. As the mediator I am trying to assess their ability to negotiate and whether there is consensus (or room for consensus), between them. I only move forward with mediation if there is a real chance that the parties will be able to come to some sort of agreement. If I feel they are not ready or that mediation is not appropriate, then I will inform the clients immediately and give them guidance about how to return to mediation (if it is possible).
By doing this, I am saving both parties from wasting their time and money on a process that wont work. Therefore, if I as the mediator am confident that both parties will make a good faith effort to negotiate, then the chance of both parties being successful in Mediation is high. I will then continue to the next stage of the process, which is joint-mediation.
Clients who make it to joint-mediation are those who have demonstrated that they are capable of working together and likely to work out a successful agreement that strengthens their co-parenting relationship. This is because good co-parenting relationships are built on respect, trust, and mutual agreement. By working out their agreement in mediation, they are taking the first step towards a harmonious co-parenting relationship, together!
Once I know the clients are ready for joint-mediation, I make sure both parties are aware of their legal obligations and rights. I advise clients to get independent legal advice (ILA) from a family law attorney. By doing this, the clients can have a frank conversation with their own lawyer where they can learn about strategies, negotiables, and the obligations that they MUST follow according to how court usually plays out. Clients are now armed with their legal rights and obligations, which helps cut down on arguing and wondering what court may look like. Thanks to ILA, both parents are aware of what they want and what they CAN do (legally). There is no longer room to threaten, wonder and waste time. As the mediator it’s my job to ask the clients to discuss their understanding of the law and to help both clients come to an amicable resolution together.
Finally, once clients have negotiated over a few sessions and start to see how their separation agreement will help shape their lives, coming to consensus becomes easier over-time. This does not mean one side is giving up everything, or that you will magically become best friends with your ex-spouse, but what it does mean is that you have both put in the effort and work to put your children, assets, and dreams first! This shift away from wanting to “win,” or getting revenge, is transformative for many clients and leads to happier kids and co-parents!
Though the journey may be frightening at first, trusting the mediation process can lead to peace and a better future for your family!
