5 Reasons Why Now is the time to plan your Holiday Parenting Schedule!
With the winter holidays fast approaching, many separated families are planning and organizing how the holidays will look post-divorce. For many this can be an overwhelming reminder about the divorce and how it affects the children. For others it can be a relief to be away from your soon-to-be ex-spouse. These competing feelings can cause parents a lot of distress and shame! If you are cycling through these familiar emotions, please know that you have options when it comes to splitting winter holidays!
How do we plan around holidays? By working out a permanent or temporary holiday parenting plan in mediation! By outlining this plan in mediation, you and your ex-spouse are saving yourselves the headache and heartache of dealing with the holidays post-divorce.
Here are 5 reasons why you should mediate your holiday parenting time now:
Outlining it now means no future confusion or deliberate misunderstanding of the plan. This is especially important if you and your ex-spouse are having a hard time communicating and often find yourselves arguing about your child (or children). Instead, you can work out a plan on paper which clearly stipulates what was agreed to in mediation. No one can say “they didn’t know,” because it is clearly outlined. Further, when you write this agreement in mediation, then the mediator will ask follow-up questions in order to sidestep any future miscommunication. The mediator does this by asking for more clarity. For example, we would discuss how pick-ups and drop-offs will be done; which days would you switch the children for celebrations; do you need to lock-in specific holidays now, or would you prefer to switch every year? The answers to these questions very depending on the clients, their children, personal beliefs, needs, and wants for the holiday season.
You get the opportunity to think and sit on the plan. Deciding to implement a permanent plan can be risky, especially when you are still unsure about your options. This is why a temporary plan may be appropriate in order to test out if this schedule works for the entire family. The only caveat with this, is that both sides must be vocal about the temporary agreement and speak up if it does not work for them early! Remember, temporary agreements can become permanent, therefore speaking up about how the temporary plan is playing out, is important!
You are giving your children security by preplanning the holidays. Your kids may not vocalize it, but they will greatly appreciate the work you and your ex-spouse have done, in order to make the holidays as smooth as possible! Also, kids (especially younger kids), are flexible when it comes to celebrating holidays on different days. For example, the Christmas fun is extended because they still got to do Christmas morning with each parent (but on different days). The truth is, that the date is usually more important to the adults, rather than the kids. They simply get to enjoy double the holidays with parents who are working together to make it magical for them! Another added bonus, to changing when you celebrate, is the fact that you can now make new holiday traditions with your kids! For example, hosting brunch instead of a traditional dinner; or going to your parents' house for the holidays (instead of going to your in-laws); or perhaps enjoying a day out at the movies instead of being at home. This opens the door to you being able to plan new holiday traditions that you and the kids will cherish for life!
Your family (i.e. your parents, and siblings) will know what is happening and you can prepare them to support the kids. Grandparents often worry about if they will see their grandkids on holidays during a separation. By planning your holiday parenting schedule, you can assure your family that they will have the opportunity to share the festive season with the kids too!
You get to plan how you will spend your alone time! Yes, alone-time without the kids can feel overwhelming and full of guilt! However, the best way to make up for the lost time, is to take care of yourself and recharge for your children! Your kids will recognize that you are happy, fulfilled, and more present as a parent, because you take your “time-off" from parenting. Yes, this may seem selfish, but you know your kids are safe and happy with their co-parent. This gives you the opportunity to enjoy the holidays as an individual person. The first year it may seem strange, but as the years go on you will grow to appreciate the new opportunities that you get to enjoy without the kids. This is especially important because as the parent you are modeling the life your children will likely mimic into adulthood. Show them how to show-up for themselves by thriving in your post-divorce life!
Planning for the holidays can be stressful especially when you are newly separated with kids. By choosing mediation you are choosing peace over conflict; and working together to show your kids how magical the holidays will always be for them, -- even post-divorce!
Curious to learn more about Family Law Mediation and how it can help you finalize your divorce? Book your FREE consultation today at (647) 482-4987 or info@ERFmediation.ca
